In the name of Allah; the entirely merciful; the especially merciful - بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَـٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Sunday, 29 April 2007

The Best of the Best

by Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Source: Sunnah Online

Have you ever wondered to yourself what it actually means to be the best?

When we are told that 'this is the best' or 'that was the greatest' or 'this will bring the most benefit' etc, have you ever thought who on Earth gave such people/editors the authority to tell us that? In an age when we have a plethora of 'Top 10' or 'Top 100' lists on everything from cars to films, from foods to places, one wonders where is that list that will really provide some benefit to us in this current short life and the next very long one.

Well, wait no more. Below, from a choice of hundreds of narrations from our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, you can find 100 hadîth, in no particular order of merit, detailing ways on exactly how to become the best, how to have the most excellent characteristics, what really will prove most beneficial for us to know, what really are the greatest things to think about and hope for and indeed, how to become the most beloved of people to our Magnificent Creator, Allah, the Most High.

No more subjectivity, no more empty statements; just the divine criteria of what really is the best as developed by the very best himself, Muhammad al-Mustapha, upon whom be peace. For an explanation of the meaning of each of these hadîth, you can visit here.

So go on, don't be ordinary. Don't be common. Don't be typical ...

Be the best.

To read more click here

Friday, 27 April 2007

Surah Al Insan 5 - 22

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

In my qur'an class we are learning Surah Al Insan now. Subhana Allah, I love the meaning of the following ayahs. It gave me hope for the real life in the hereafter which we all should aim for. From these ayahs I learn the important of fulfilling vows. The ayahs also teach me to love feeding the poor and the orphan with the intention only to please Allah and hope for His reward. Its reward is beautifully explain in these ayahs, Subhana Allah! I ask Allah to make us among the Abrar, the pious, who fear Allah and avoid evil, Ameen.

5 إِنَّ الْأَبْرَارَ يَشْرَبُونَ مِن كَأْسٍ كَانَ مِزَاجُهَا كَافُوراً

Verily, the Abrar (pious, who fear Allah and avoid evil), shall drink a cup (of wine) mixed with water from a spring in Paradise called Kafoor.
6 عَيْناً يَشْرَبُ بِهَا عِبَادُ اللَّهِ يُفَجِّرُونَهَا تَفْجِيراً

A spring wherefrom the slaves of Allah will drink, causing it to gush forth abundantly.
7 يُوفُونَ بِالنَّذْرِ وَيَخَافُونَ يَوْماً كَانَ شَرُّهُ مُسْتَطِيراً

They (are those who) fulfill (their) vows, and they fear a Day whose evil will be wide-spreading.
8 وَيُطْعِمُونَ الطَّعَامَ عَلَى حُبِّهِ مِسْكِيناً وَيَتِيماً وَأَسِيراً

And they give food, inspite of their love for it (or for the love of Him), to Miskin (poor), the orphan, and the captive,
9 إِنَّمَا نُطْعِمُكُمْ لِوَجْهِ اللَّهِ لَا نُرِيدُ مِنكُمْ جَزَاء وَلَا شُكُوراً

(Saying): "We feed you seeking Allahs Countenance only. We wish for no reward, nor thanks from you.
10 إِنَّا نَخَافُ مِن رَّبِّنَا يَوْماً عَبُوساً قَمْطَرِيراً

"Verily, We fear from our Lord a Day, hard and distressful, that will make the faces look horrible (from extreme dislikeness to it)."
11 فَوَقَاهُمُ اللَّهُ شَرَّ ذَلِكَ الْيَوْمِ وَلَقَّاهُمْ نَضْرَةً وَسُرُوراً

So Allah saved them from the evil of that Day, and gave them Nadratan (a light of beauty) and joy.
12 وَجَزَاهُم بِمَا صَبَرُوا جَنَّةً وَحَرِيراً

And their recompense shall be Paradise, and silken garments, because they were patient.
13 مُتَّكِئِينَ فِيهَا عَلَى الْأَرَائِكِ لَا يَرَوْنَ فِيهَا شَمْساً وَلَا زَمْهَرِيراً

Reclining therein on raised thrones, they will see there neither the excessive heat of the sun, nor the excessive bitter cold, (as in Paradise there is no sun and no moon).
14 وَدَانِيَةً عَلَيْهِمْ ظِلَالُهَا وَذُلِّلَتْ قُطُوفُهَا تَذْلِيلاً

And the shade thereof is close upon them, and the bunches of fruit thereof will hang low within their reach.
15 وَيُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِآنِيَةٍ مِّن فِضَّةٍ وَأَكْوَابٍ كَانَتْ قَوَارِيرَا

And amongst them will be passed round vessels of silver and cups of crystal,
16 قَوَارِيرَ مِن فِضَّةٍ قَدَّرُوهَا تَقْدِيراً

Crystal-clear, made of silver. They will determine the measure thereof according to their wishes.
17 وَيُسْقَوْنَ فِيهَا كَأْساً كَانَ مِزَاجُهَا زَنجَبِيلاً

And they will be given to drink there a cup (of wine) mixed with Zanjabeel (ginger, etc.),
18 عَيْناً فِيهَا تُسَمَّى سَلْسَبِيلاً

A spring there, called Salsabeel.
19 وَيَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَانٌ مُّخَلَّدُونَ إِذَا رَأَيْتَهُمْ حَسِبْتَهُمْ لُؤْلُؤاً مَّنثُوراً

And round about them will (serve) boys of everlasting youth. If you see them, you would think them scattered pearls.
20 وَإِذَا رَأَيْتَ ثَمَّ رَأَيْتَ نَعِيماً وَمُلْكاً كَبِيراً

And when you look there (in Paradise), you will see a delight (that cannot be imagined), and a great dominion.
21 عَالِيَهُمْ ثِيَابُ سُندُسٍ خُضْرٌ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٌ وَحُلُّوا أَسَاوِرَ مِن فِضَّةٍ وَسَقَاهُمْ رَبُّهُمْ شَرَاباً طَهُوراً

Their garments will be of fine green silk, and gold embroidery. They will be adorned with bracelets of silver, and their Lord will give them a pure drink.
22 إِنَّ هَذَا كَانَ لَكُمْ جَزَاء وَكَانَ سَعْيُكُم مَّشْكُوراً

(And it will be said to them): "Verily, this is a reward for you, and your endeavour has been accepted."

M..Canine Is Coming Out.

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

Alhamdulillah, I slept for 5 hours last night. M teething is back. Masha Allah, her top right canine is coming out. All night she was whining until she finally went to sleep at around 4 am. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
( سورة الشرح , Al-Inshirah, Chapter #94, Verse #5)

Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
( سورة الشرح , Al-Inshirah, Chapter #94, Verse #6)

Thursday, 26 April 2007

Hadith : The Deeds Nearer To Paradise

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

'Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported: I said: Messenger of Allah, which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Prayer at its proper time, I said: What next, Messenger of Allah? He replied: Kindness to the parents. I said: What next? He replied: Jihad in the cause of Allah (Book #001, Hadith #0152)

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

Natural Way.

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

I have a sensitive skin, Alhamdulillah. Since I was young I have psoriasis. My mother took me to every places and specialist to get me cured. It helped a bit and I stopped scratches myself until bleed but it came again soon. I also get allergy reaction easily by eating seafood.

I prone to have sinus as well. Every time I woke up in the morning for Fajr, my nose blocked with mucus. I have pressure-like pain headache, pain behind the eyes, toothache, or facial tenderness.

When I was on my late 20 I started to question why these happened to me. I wanted answers to my problems. And I want it now! Alhamdulillah, through my husband Allah showed me that I am very sensitive to smell when my husband used his perfumes. Some smell made me headache and change my moods.

I hated doing laundry. The smell of the laundry powder, made me sick. I begin to understand that the fragrances of the washing powder trigger my sinus when I walked along the washing powder aisle in the supermarket. Since then I was very particular about smell. I avoid products with fragrances.

One day my husband and I were at Community Art and Craft Market. When we pass by a stall selling perfumes my husband stopped to have a browse. I told him that I will be at the next stall because the fragrances make me headache. He came and told me about a perfume that he really likes. He wanted me to smell that perfume and if I like it he will buy it. Masha Allah, it was a pleasant smell and I did not get headache. Then I came to know that it was an essential oil.

That was the beginning of my world of essential oils and natural skin care products. I found out that the essential oils are concentrate so a tiny amount only is needed in based product like oil or cream. I used essential oils in olive oil and sweet almond oil to moisturised my skin. Alhamdulillah, I love it. Masha Allah, I was amazed! I hardly scratch my skin. My skin smooth and tone. The marks on my skin slowly faded. Masha Allah, I was very impressed!

Consequently, I dislike the over oily looked on my skin. I have done hours of researched on making natural cream and lotion from scratch and attended its workshop. Since then I make my own personal skin care products for my family and friends as a hobby.

Alhamdulillah, now I hardly get sinus and my skin is excellence!

Saturday, 21 April 2007

M.. Progress

Alhamdulillah, it has been another busy week for M and me. On Friday, M have her appointment at The Centre for Cerebral Palsy to get her insert a new cushion. Alhamdulillah she has grown soooo much lately. She is putting on her weight and hardly vomiting. Insha Allah, I must train her to take food orally. I need to push myself to help her do it. O Allah, I am in need of your help. Please make me consistence and patience with this task. Ameen.

Although this is her second cushion, it have been the fifth adjustments since she had it in about a year ago. She looked more comfortable and it hold her in good symmetry position. She can also hold her head nicely. Alhamdulillah, at the moment we are waiting for a fund to have a new table attached to the insert.

This morning M have her another appointment at The Healing Point for cranio-sacral osteopathy. Recently, she was liking to turn her head to the right and stiff in that position. She would get too upset if we try to keep her head in the middle. Alhamdulillah after her treatment today, she does not intend to go to her right and keep her head upright.

I have started giving her Melatonin to help her sleep, about three week ago. On the first day I gave her, she stayed up all night. I was skeptical that it going to work. Alhamdulillah, she would go to sleep around 10pm to 11pm. She wake up once or twice but after changed her position she goes to sleep again.

The weather is getting cold. It make her nose blocked and wheezy sound when she breaths. Previous winters she was hospitalised and that was a challenging life in our family. I pray to Allah that He would make her immune system strong in approaching the winter season. Ameen.

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

Special appeal for Muslim family to adopt baby girl

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu


17 April 2007

A statewide appeal for a Muslim family to adopt a baby with special needs was launched today by the NSW Department of Community Services (DoCS).

DoCS’ Director of Adoption and Permanent Care Services Mary Griffin said the Department is
seeking a caring Muslim family to adopt Maya, a baby girl who requires special care.

“Looking after a child with special needs can be demanding but the joy and satisfaction it brings makes the commitment extremely rewarding,” Ms Griffin said.

“Maya is a 10-month old contented Muslim baby who recently started rolling over and is about to start crawling. She was diagnosed with Down Syndrome and has a hole in her heart.

“Maya needs adoptive parents who have patience and energy to give her constant care and the capacity to create a warm, supportive environment appropriate to her needs.

“We hope that with the assistance of DoCS, people who can offer this environment can come forward to provide her with a loving home,” she said.

Ms Griffin said DoCS is committed to placing Muslim children with Muslim families wherever possible.

“It’s very important for all children to have a sense of family and connection to their cultural heritage.

“However to be able to do this successfully we need more Muslim families interested in adoption.

“Many people, including members of the Australian Muslim communities, often associate adoption in Australia with secrecy and closed practices but NSW adoption laws have changed considerably in past years.

“Today all adopted children have the legal right to know about their birth parents, and the birth parents’ involvement in their child’s life is highly valued.

“These updated NSW adoption laws are consistent with Islamic adoption principles.

“Families interested in adopting Maya need to know that adoption in NSW is a legal process that permanently links a child to their adoptive parents. All legal rights and responsibilities of the birth parents are transferred to the adoptive parents,” she said.

Prospective adoptive families are provided with training and the opportunity to learn more about adoption through the assessment process.

People interested in learning more about adopting Maya can call the Muslim Foster Care Team 02 8713 7800. Arabic speaking workers are available to assist with inquiries.

Media inquiries: (02) 9716 2804 or 24-hour pager (02) 9214 0653.

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

My Soap, Her Soap

My 4th child Tazzie who is 5 came to me yesterday, when I was having my afternoon nap.

She said,"Mama, I want to buy your soap."

I was half asleep just answer, "Okay!."

Then she said, "Here the money, Mama."

I said unconsciously, "Hmmm."

She uttered, "Mama, I'll leave the money next to your pillow."

I nodded then I snoozed.

When I woke up, there are coins all over my bed and puzzled where these coins came from. Then I found my soap cut into small pieces. I was so angry and asked who did that. Tazzie with her smiling face, looked at me.

"It must be her.", I said to myself.

Then suddenly I remember what had happened. She bought that soap when I was half asleep. Right? The soap is hers now. Right? She may do whatever she likes. Right? So she has the right to cut it. Right? Masha Allah I was speechless and my heart melts...

Sunday, 15 April 2007

Materialistic World

According to Encarta dictionary materialistic is focusing on material things. It is also concerned with material wealth and possessions at the expense of spiritual or intellectual values.

I am living in the society of materialistic. Every time I turn around people will talk about what they have and what I don't have in things. Their standard of life is the more materials or technologies in the term of electronic appliances you have the better you are.

Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd: I heard Ibn Az-Zubair who was on the pulpit at Mecca, delivering a sermon, saying, "O men! The Prophet used to say, "If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given the second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. And Allah forgives he who repents to Him." Ubai said, "We considered this as a saying from the Qur'an till the Sura (beginning with) 'The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you..' (102.1) was revealed." (Book #76, Hadith #446)

I am so sad that people around me are not religiously discuss about their spiritual life because they are so busy talk about things.

Materialistic world can leads to the love of this world. They are so into it until neglected the after life. Although they realise that there is an eternal life after this world, yet they would prefer this world. This life have made them blind to see the real life which is in hereafter.
That is because they loved and preferred the life of this world over that of the Hereafter. And Allah guides not the people who disbelieve. ( سورة النحل , An-Nahl, Chapter #16, Verse #107)

Materialistic life only creates ego which is feeling pride or superiority than others. This is so true in my recent experienced. I am not shy to say that I bought things at secondhand shop and swap market. I recycle, reuse and reduce. And this guy with his ego said that he would never buy things at this kind of places.
"And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster. ( سورة لقمان , Luqman, Chapter #31, Verse #18)

Then he walked in full pride to his family admiring himself! ( سورة القيامة , Al-Qiyama, Chapter #75, Verse #33)

Materialistic life is a trap to riba. It doesn't matter if you don't have money. You can always charged the things you bought with credit cards. Buy now pay later! Today people can only afford to buy things with credit cards which involved interest. No wonder debts are increasing.
Reserve Bank of Australia statistics for August show Australian credit card holders owe a total of $21.5 billion, up more than $100 million from July. The average owed on each card is about $2235, up slightly from the previous month's $2224.

It seems that people around me are not aware the ruling of riba in Islam. If they are aware of it there is not enough taqwa or fear of Allah. This people don't feel guilty involved in sins.
Those who eat Riba (usury) will not stand (on the Day of Resurrection) except like the standing of a person beaten by Shaitan (Satan) leading him to insanity. That is because they say: "Trading is only like Riba (usury)," whereas Allah has permitted trading and forbidden Riba (usury). So whosoever receives an admonition from his Lord and stops eating Riba (usury) shall not be punished for the past; his case is for Allah (to judge); but whoever returns (to Riba (usury)), such are the dwellers of the Fire - they will abide therein. ( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #275)

Narrated 'Aun bin Abu Juhaifa: My father bought a slave who practiced the profession of cupping. (My father broke the slave's instruments of cupping). I asked my father why he had done so. He replied, "The Prophet forbade the acceptance of the price of a dog or blood, and also forbade the profession of tattooing, getting tattooed and receiving or giving Riba, (usury), and cursed the picture-makers." (Book #34, Hadith #299)

I ask Allah to protect my life form being materialistic. I ask Allah to give me companions who would remind me about You. I ask Allah to make me love the world of hereafter. I ask Allah to make me His humble servant. I ask Allah to protect me from riba. Ameen.

Friday, 13 April 2007

Dinner at Lantaza Cafe

Last night, we went out for dinner. First we decided to go to Warong Bistari, Malaysian foods, then my dear husband wanted to go to Batavia Corner, an Indonesian Cuisine. After arguing and voting we ended up going to Lantaza Cafe which serves Indonesian foods.

Masha Allah, the foods was delicious. My dear husband ordered Nasi Goreng Acheh Special and Susu Soda while Honey chosen Chicken & Jamur (mushroom) Noodles and Orange Juice. Kai munched Noodles with Baso and Tazzie nibbled Martabak Acheh. They both had Avocado Juice. I ate Nasi Kuning Special and Bunny Latanza Juice which is a carrot juice if you wonder what it is. Muje was happy and did not complaining any discomfort as usual. I fed her before we left the house so I didn't have to take her special needs feeding equipment with us as she is feeding through nasogastric tube. I forgot to take the camera, so I could not preserved how appealing was the foods.

Alhamdulillah, we enjoyed our time together. We all love the foods there and had a great time.

Monday, 9 April 2007

Relationship with parents

  • Never be disrespectful to parents. Do not say a harsh word to them.
  • Even if parents are unjust, it is not lawful for children to ill-treat, disobey or displease them.
  • Obey them in all lawful things. If they instruct you to do anything which is unlawful in the Sharee'ah , then politely and with respect and apology decline. Never refuse rudely nor argue with them.
  • When parents abuse, scold or even beat their children, they should submit to such treatment with humility. Never should they utter a word of disrespect or complaint, nor should they display on their faces any indication of disgust or anger. Bear their treatment in silence and with patience. Make du'aa for them.
  • Assist them in all lawful ways even if they happen to be non-Muslims.
  • Whenever you see them, greet them.
  • If you are living with them, take their permission before going anywhere. Inform them of your whereabouts.
  • If you are engaged in Nafl Salaat and your parents call you, break your Salaat and answer their call, even if there is no urgency or importance in their call. If you are performing Fardh Salaat and you detect urgency in their call, then break even the Fardh Salaat to answer their call.
  • Do not call them on their names. Address them with a title of respect and honour.
  • After death, make du'aa of forgiveness for them. Pray for their forgiveness and within your means, practice virtuous deeds with the intention of the thawaab thereof being bestowed on them by Allah .
  • Pay the debts of your parents.
  • If they had made any lawful wasiyyat (bequest), fulfil it if you are by the means to do so.
  • Be kind, respectful and helpful to the friends of your parents.
  • When entering the private room of parents, seek their permission before entering.
  • Always be cheerful in their presence.
  • Speak kindly and tenderly with them.
  • When speaking to parents, keep your gaze low. Do not stare them in the face.
  • Do not raise your voice above the voices of your parents.
  • Be humble in their presence.
  • When accompanying parents on a walk, do not walk in front of them nor on the right or left side. Walk slightly behind them.
  • Even in their absence, speak highly and respectfully of them.
  • Do not give preference to the wife over them (this does not apply to the rights of the wife. Where parents instruct their son to violate or discard the obligatory rights of his wife, it will not be permissible to obey them in this case.)
  • Always endeavour to keep them happy.
  • Do not embark on a journey without their permission.
  • When they question you, do not inconvenience them by delaying your reply.
  • It is highly disrespectful to refrain from answering them.
  • If at any time you were disrespectful to your parents, regret your action and
    hasten to obtain their pardon.


Adult-to-adult relationship with parents hard to achieve

Source: Lubbockonline

Associated Press

Establishing an adult-to-adult relationship with parents is one of the most complicated tasks a young woman faces.

''Of course, it's more difficult if you and your parents have had a rocky relationship in the past,'' San Francisco psychiatrist Carla Perez told Susan Jacoby in an article in the current issue of Cosmopolitan, ''but all kinds of issues need to be worked out - even in the most harmonious families.

''As long as a woman is living her life either to please her parents or to rebel against them she's not fully adult. In some ways renegotiating the parent-child relationship is a lifelong process.''

For many women, unresolved anger from an unhappy childhood stands in the way of a more mature family relationship. They may insist that parents admit to and apologize for whatever went wrong in the past - a demand that often leads to a repetition of old battles.

New York psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff pointed out that an adult gives her parents too much power when she insists on an apology for a flawed upbringing. ''You have to trust your own memories without needing your parents to say, 'Yes, that's how it was.'°''

Another sticky issue between adult children and their parents - especially between mothers and daughters - is the establishment of a line between sharing and interference, between privacy and standoffishness. Some young women feel the only way they can protect their privacy is to confide nothing to their parents, while others make the mistake of revealing too much.

''There is no formula,'' Perez said. ''Sometimes you'll hear a daughter say her mother is her best friend or a mother will say that about her daughter - but a good relationship between an adult child and a parent isn't exactly like one between friends of the same age. Some things you'd tell a friend but not your mother - because she would worry too much, not because she'd disapprove of you. But it's also true that in an adult-to-adult relationship, you should feel free to share things you would have died before revealing when you were a teen-ager.''

Many young adults find it hard to imagine their parents as people with problems, dreams, talents and desires that have nothing to do with their children, Perez said.

The parent-child relationship eventually undergoes role reversal.

''Unless they were late-in-life babies, most people in their 20s and 30s haven't arrived at the stage when their parents become their children,'' Magdoff says, ''but what happens is that you begin to realize your parents do need you.''

Understanding and Strengthening Healthy Relationships Between Adult Children and Parents

Lynda K. Fowler, Extension Agent, Family and Consumer Sciences, Crawford County

Establishing and maintaining healthy relationships between parents and children is important and challenging at any age and stage in life. About 80 percent of the older American population have living children and about 10 percent of older Americans have adult children who are also 65 or older. Today, increased life expectancy means that family members will spend more time in intergenerational roles requiring negotiation and understanding in dealing with change.

Research by Dr. Debra Umberson found that the parent/adult child relationship has a strong effect on the psychological state of both parents and children and provides an enduring social tie. It is important that the generations work together to make the relationship satisfying rather than strained.

Adult Children and Parents as Ambivalent Relationships

Intergenerational relationships between adult children and parents can be understood as "ambivalent relationships." Ambivalent relationships include both positive and negative perceptions by one individual toward another. These feelings between adult children and parents include love, reciprocal help, shared values, and solidarity at one end of a continuum of emotions and feelings of isolation, family conflicts and problems, abuse, neglect, and caregiver stress at the other end of a continuum. Ambivalent feelings are greater during times of transitions such as retirement, death, illness, marriage, birth, and career changes. A recent review of the research on intergenerational relationships in later life by Dr. Kurt Luescher and Dr. Karl Pillemer describes three aspects of parent-adult child relations that are especially likely to cause ambivalence:

1) Ambivalence between autonomy and dependence. Adult children and parents have the desire for help, support, and nurturance and the contrasting desire for freedom. (Example: Mothers feeling caught between their adult daughters' needs for closeness and support and their own desires for self-fulfillment and independence. Adult daughters struggle with their desire to remain daughters, but independent wives and mothers).

2) Ambivalence resulting from solidarity. Families that demonstrate solidarity (co-residence or close proximity, mutual dependency for help, frequent interaction) are likely to have feelings that are the opposite, such as dissatisfaction about the relationship, struggles for independence, and conflict.

3) Ambivalence resulting from conflicting norms (social expectations) regarding intergenerational relationships. Social norms may include obligations between kin and commitment to assist members of another generation.

Sources of Stress Between Adult Children and Their Parents

Differences in values and beliefs can become a source of stress to intergenerational relationships. Parents and adult children who report more agreement on how to spend money, raise children, choices in friends and partners, religious beliefs, and other values have less stress in their relationships.

Differences in developmental stages of family life can be a source of stress. Older parents may be dealing with aging, health, retirement, or relocation, and their children must accept that their parents are older and cannot do as much as they once could or may need help from the children. This may happen when adult children are dealing with relocation, greater job responsibility, and caring for children, which leaves less time to give to parents.

Differences in parents' expectations for their children and children's dreams and behavior may be a source of stress. Children may also achieve all that their parents hoped for but their relationship with parents may lack affection, warmth, respect, open communication, and honesty. Adult children may also have differences in expectations for their parents and their parents' behavior. Parents may not be able to provide requested financial support or they may interfere in their children's lives. Parents may not be available to help with grandchildren. The result may be disappointment.

Adult Children/Parents: Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Dr. Kathryn Beckham Mims, Albany State University, Georgia, offers some suggestions for building and maintaining healthy relationships between adult children and their parents:

· Be honest. Come to terms with your mistakes and misgivings. Fears, self-doubts, blame, and guilt keep us from understanding others and changing our behavior.

· Communicate. Listen to and try to understand the experience of the other person. Share your own expectations, feelings, hopes, and concerns.

· Validate feelings and beliefs. Recognize that the feelings and beliefs of adult children and parents are real. Each deserves the right to their own opinions, even if they are different from the other.

· Respect one another. Respect breeds respect and recognizes individuality.

· Let go! Recognize that each generation makes decisions and must suffer or enjoy the consequences. Allow each generation the opportunity to learn from each situation.

· Don't take all of the blame or the credit. Each generation has unique experiences.

· Choose for yourself. Make the decision to build and maintain a healthy relationship between the generations in your family.

Relationships between adult children and their parents continue throughout life and last longer today. In addition to increased longevity, these relationships are challenged by life transitions such as changes in residence, job, health, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Building and maintaining healthy intergenerational relationships can give individuals and families knowledge, respect, and appreciation for one another. Skills of understanding provide a legacy to future generations that will also have to deal with the transitions and stresses of life.


Atchley, R. (1994). Social forces and aging. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Company.

Luescher, K., & Uhlenberg, P. (1998). Intergenerational ambivalence: A new approach to the study of parent-child relations in later life, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60 (2).

Mims, K. B. (1998). They're all grown up but I'm still a parent!, Family Information Services, Minneapolis, MN.

Umberson, D. (1992). Relationships between adult children and their parents:

Psychological consequences for both generations, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54 (3).

For more information, visit the Human Development and Family Life website at:

Sunday, 8 April 2007

What a Bad Servant we are!

Imaam al-Hasan al-Basree rahimahullaah From Ghunyat-ut-Talibeen of Shaykh 'Abdul-Qaadir al-Jeelaani rahimahullaah
Al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allah bestow His mercy upon him)] said: "What a bad servant [of the Lord] is he! I am speaking of a servant who fits the following description:

1. He asks for forgiveness (maghfirah), while he is actively engaged in sinful disobedience (ma'siya).

2. He behaves in a humbly submissive manner, so that he may be credited with loyalty (amana), but he is only pretending, to hide his disloyalty (khiyanah).

3. He forbids what is wrong, but does not refrain from it himself.

4. He enjoins what is right, but does not act upon his own instructions.

5. If he gives, he does so very stingily, and if he withholds, he offers no apology.

6. If he is in the best of health, he feels secure, but if he falls sick, he becomes remorseful.

7. If he is impoverished, he feels sad, and if he gets rich, he is subject to temptation.

8. He hopes for salvation, but does not act accordingly.

9. He is afraid of punishment, but takes no precautions against it.

10. He wishes to receive more benefit, but he does not give thanks [for what he has received].

11. He likes the idea of spiritual reward, but he does not practice patience.

12. He expedites sleep and postpones fasting"

Taken from Sunnahonline

Friday, 6 April 2007

What is the Cerebral Palsy?

Cerebral Palsy Definition - Cerebral Palsy A-Z

What is the Definition of Cerebral Palsy? Cerebral palsy is a term used to describe a group of chronic conditions affecting body movements and muscle coordination. It is caused by damage to one or more specific areas of the brain, usually occurring during fetal development, or during infancy. It can also occur before, during or shortly following birth.

"Cerebral" refers to the brain and "Palsy" to a disorder of movement or posture. If someone has cerebral palsy it means that because of an injury to their brain (cerebral) they are not able to use some of the muscles in their body in the normal way (palsy). Children with cerebral palsy may not be able to walk, talk, eat or play in the same ways as most other children.

Cerebral palsy is neither progressive nor communicable. It is also not "curable" in the accepted sense, although education, therapy and applied technology can help persons with cerebral palsy lead productive lives. It is important to know that cerebral palsy is not a disease or illness. It isn't contagious and it doesn't get worse. Children who have cerebral palsy will have it all their lives.

Cerebral palsy is characterized by an inability to fully control motor function, particularly muscle control and coordination. Depending on which areas of the brain have been damaged, one or more of the following may occur:
  • muscle tightness or spasm
  • involuntary movement
  • disturbance in gait and mobility
  • abnormal sensation and perception
  • impairment of sight, hearing or speech
  • seizures

This article is taken from About Cerebral Palsy a resource for parents and families.

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

What Our Homeschooling Is Like On Wednesday.


Tilawah - After Fajr we are do tilawah of the Qur'an and read its translation. We would focus on tajweed rules especially the maad because the girls sometime did not say it. They rushed in reading. Then we would discuss the ayah we were reading.

Qur'an Class 9 am to 12 noon - The girls are learning with a sister for Quran Hifz, Tajweed, Tilawah and Tafseer of the Qur'an. Masha Allah she is a knowledgeable sister who studied and teached Al Qur'an in Jeddah. May Allah reward her abundantly, Ameen. They are memorising Surah Al Baqarah a page in a week. For the Tajweed they are using Tajweed Rules Of The Qur'an Part 1 by Kareema Carol Czerepinski. They are doing mudud. They are reading for Tilawah on other section of Surah Al Baqarah. For Tafseer the usually studying the section that they are memorising next.

After Zhur and Lunch - K is doing Math, Mental Math and Spelling for English. For Spelling she would find any spelling mistake she made in her workbooks and write a list of it. H is doing her English.

Information and Technology - Research on the Internet on the theme that they are learning this term which is Hajj. Posting to their blog.

Hifz - Before maghrib. Alhamdulillah the girls are memorising Al Baqarah this term. They are doing it a page a week and reviewing the hifz after every 4 pages. Masha Allah, may Allah teach them and give reward to them abundantly. Ameen.

Fiqh - After Maghrib the girls are doing Islamic Studies in Fiqh section.
H is studying Islamic Studies Book 1 by Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips while K is using Our Faith and Worship Textbook and Workbook by Dr Tasneema K Ghazi and Dr. Abidullah Ghazi. As this term they are studying Hajj, they are learning about Hajj for Fiqh.

Tuesday, 3 April 2007

Misk Aroma Handmade Soaps

My dear husband and I are soap maker. Our soaps are handmade from vegetable oils like palm, coconut, olive and rice bran oil. The soaps are coloured to add character. We are not using any animal fat and harsh chemical preservative in our halal handmade vegetable soap. The soaps are scented using essential oils with fragrance oils. This month, we are presenting Peppermint & Citrus Lime (green), Lavender (purple), Lemongrass (yellow), Orange & Patchouli (orange) , and Rose Geranium & Deluxe soaps (pink).

For any inquiry please contact us.

M... Teething and Before Sleeping Time

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Alhamdulillah I am grateful for what ever Allah gave me. But I ask Him to help and ease my affair related to my child.

Masha Allah, last night M finally slept at 1 am. Before sleep she was crying. Her cloth was wet because she dribbled. Alhamdulillah, her teething is on again. She started teething when she was around 1 year. Masha Allah, she is 2 years and 10 months and still teething. She has her 2 top incisors and 3 of her bottom. Her right top molars are not fully out yet. While her left molar is just turning up. Her bottom left canines are showed. Meanwhile her bottom molars are slowly coming out. Alhamdulillah, she has 10 teeth and that means she is half the way to get through teething. How long it going to take only Allah knows best. Subhana Allah, I understand how slow her development can be and ask Allah to grant me patience to bear with her.

Masha Allah, when she was crying last night at about 10 pm , she crossed her legs so it looked like scissors and became stiff. She presented her involuntarily movement appeared like cycling. For some reason she cried until she got really sicked and vomitted. Then suddenly she stopped for like 30 seconds or so while her eyes were fixed into something above her head like being spelled. After that she continue crying up to 1 pm. This pattern of crying, crossing legs, stiffing, spelling, vomiting and more crying went throughout 2 to 3 hours before she finally exhausted and felt asleep around 1 am. This is what Allah has willed. There is no power except with Allah.

Alhamdulillah , now she is with the same scenario like last night. She has been crying since 11 pm. She should be tired and go to sleep soon. Allah knows better.

If you would like to make a sadaqah or gift for my daughter, click here!

Monday, 2 April 2007

Young disabled girl 'kept small'

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

From correspondents in New York

November 02, 2006 10:33am
Article from: AAP

IN a controversial treatment, doctors in the US have given a severely disabled child drugs to keep her small and 'manageable' for her parents.

In a report published in a medical journal this month, the doctors described a six-year-old girl with profound, irreversible developmental disability who was given high doses of estrogen to permanently halt her growth so that her parents could continue to care for her at home.

The controversial growth-attenuation treatment, which included hysterectomy, was requested by the child's parents and initiated after careful consultation and review by an ethics committee.

In their report in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, doctors Daniel F. Gunther and Douglas S. Diekema, both at the University of Washington in Seattle, explained the reasoning behind what they hoped would generate healthy debate.

Dr Gunther is at the Division of Pediatric Endocrinology, and Dr Diekema is at the Centre for Pediatric Bioethics.

Caring for children with profound developmental disabilities could be difficult and demanding, they said.

For children with severe combined neurologic and cognitive impairment who are unable to move without assistance, all the necessities of life – dressing, bathing, transporting – must be provided by caregivers, usually parents, and these tasks become increasing difficult, if not impossible, as the child increases in size.

"Achieving permanent growth attenuation while the child is still young and of manageable size would remove one of the major obstacles to family care and might extend the time that parents with the ability, resources, and inclination to care for their child at home might be able to do so," the doctors wrote.

The parents of the six-year-old, both of whom were university-educated professionals, indicated a strong desire to continue caring for their daughter.

Despite having the neurologic development no greater than that of an infant, the six-year-old responded to her parents and two healthy siblings – vocalising and smiling in response to care and affection – and "clearly is an integral, and much loved, member of the family," the authors said.

After extensive evaluation, the combined opinion of a team of specialists was that the child would have no significant neurologic or cognitive improvements.

The onset of puberty and continued growth caused concern in the parents about how they would care for their daughter long-term, which they clearly wanted to do.

They were concerned about having to turn over care to "strangers" and also about the complications that would arise when the child started menstruating.

The child was now a little more than a year into growth-attenuating therapy and approaching the end of her growth, Dr Gunther and Dr Diekema reported.

"As of yet, there have been no treatment complications."

The authors felt that growth-arresting therapy could be "both ethical and feasible and should be an option available to parents."

The authors of a commentary applauded the pair for publishing this case report, although they believed that attempts to attenuate growth were "ill-advised."

Nonetheless, Dr Jeffrey P. Brosco from the University of Miami and Dr Chris Feudtner from the University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, said that by beginning the debate, the paper helped to "advance our ethical dialogue as we struggle to define our core values in words, laws, and deeds.

"Only with further research and public discussion will we learn whether attempts to attenuate growth run with or against our fundamental values in caring for children with profound developmental disabilities," he said.